First you go pink, then red

So today I went to a tanning salon, because "translucent" is not a color!

The friendly, well-tanned woman behind the counter explained all their packages to me. Level One is for pale ghosts like me. Level Two works the color and gives you some more. And so it goes on until you can choose a level where you end up looking like the back of a leather belt. I went with Level One.

Pasty over here was told that his first session would only be 8 minutes, to work the "base tan" and ready my skin. So in I went, under fluorescent lights, and finally knew what a turkey feels like in an over. Eight minutes later, the buzzer went off and I was done. I looked in the mirror. Nothing. Same ol' pasty.

The leather strip behind the counter told me to come back on Monday for another 8 minutes.

And tonight, now the color is coming through. A nice pinkish red. Yes, I look like a tomato. Okay, not AS red, but still. Maybe I'm just so used being the color of a sheet of paper that any color would show on me.

As long as I get to have some color for the summer, I'll be happy.

They said YES!

The pay check payers said yes. My leave has received the big red stamp. In just six weeks I shall be jetting off to not-so-sunny South Africa. Regular thrill a minute over here, I tell you!

That doesn't mean I've booked or paid for my ticket yet. Crikey, they're about $2000, and who has that kind of cash just lying around - or sitting in one's checking account? Certainly not me. So I shall wait until next pay day - two weeks from now - and dive into my bank account once it has been replenished with green things and pay for my 26-hour debacle across the Atlantic Ocean.

Does this metal monstrosity with wings fly direct to Grab-Your-Gun-We're-Landing-At-Joburg-International? Hell no. It stops off in Senegal. This is not a prescription drug manufactured by GSK. This is in fact a country in Africa.

From the 15th century onwards, poor Senegal has been raped and pillaged by the Portuguese, by the Dutch, and then the British. Finally, the French came out of their drunken stupor caused by the ingestion of copious amounts of champagne - and on their way from a summer getaway in Franschoek - and decided they too wanted a turn.

In Senegal, they speak French. And they are Muslim. And the country has 11 million people. So why on earth does my flight stop in Dakar, Senegal? Is it to reload with African baskets to take down to Jo'burg? I think not. We have our own African baskets, thank you very much. Maybe some of those lovely colorful blankets? Nope, we have those too.

My only thought is that perhaps the pilots need a bit of shut-eye before trekking on down the Dark Continent. Yes, that must be it.

Either way, it's a long flight. I don't like long flights. I hope they serve copious amounts of booze. Perhaps I can drink myself into an alcohol-induced coma, stumble off the plane in Jo'burg, dodge a bullet or two, board another plane and land just slightly intoxicated. Yes, my family who hasn't seen me in over three years would be thrilled. Not to mention I'd look and smell like shit!

Oh hell, Ambien it is then!

Adam and Steve may now say, "I do" in California

Maybe I'm far too liberal for my own good, but I'd like to know what all the hoo-ra is about. If they want to get married, let them get married!

Here in the U.S., while oil prices continue to sky rocket and war rages on in Iraq and the world economy starts to slip into recession, Americans remain concerned about same-sex marriage. Are you serious?

But now California just lonely Massachusetts in legally recognizing same-sex marriage. Good for them. Welcome to the 21st century. And yet this appears to be a topic that rages on in Presidential debates and living rooms across America.

"But it degrades the sanctity of marriage," people mutter.

No idiots, divorce degrades the sanctity of marriage. And here in the U.S., there is a 50% divorce rates. So it's okay for folks to go out and get married, but God forbid the same be allowed for homosexuals.

Is that kinda like equal but different? Some states allow a ceremony called a "civil union". It's not marriage but allows some of the same benefits. Isn't that like saying you can still ride the bus, as long as you sit at the back?

Just a little something that's been running through my mind.

My cat has diarrhea

I decided not to take insert a pic here for this post because that would have just been gross.

So I arrived home from work today to find that my very fluffy cat has a case of the runs. So I donned a pair of big rubber yellow kitchen gloves, grabbed an old sponge, and poured some Pine-Sol (Dettol for you South African folks) into a large red bucket and washed down the nether region of my cat.

To say he was not alatogether thrilled with a pungent wash down would be an understatement. Nonetheless, I washed him down and hopefully I got all the loss bits which tend to cling to fur much like s** to a baby's blanket.

And as soon as he dries off, he's going to have his nether region shaved so as to avoid any further .... mishaps. Please refrain from making any "shaved" and "cat" jokes.

Thank you.

One would hope

One would think that in the past two million years since the Homo genus diverged from the australopithecines back in deepest, darkest Africa that this species called homo sapien would have learned a thing or two.

I'm hear to tell you the answer is unequivocally NO!

We still grunt, we still fart, and we still have no manners. Take for example the woman I stepped aside for this morning. The bus came, it stopped, I was right outside the door, and I stepped aside to allow the woman behind to board first.

Perhaps my ears were deceiving me for I heard neither an appreciative grunt, nor an audible "Thank you." Now don't get me wrong, I'm not a prude. But I was raised to believe that manners maketh man (and women). That's one lesson my father drilled into me. So it now comes as a force of habit to say, "Please," and "Thank you." Three simple words which mean so much.

Do you think this homo sapien said Thank You? Hell no!

Now this is not so much of a rant as it is a sad observation. We have learned to walk upright. We have sent men to the moon. We have devised aeronautical devices that fly through the air at tremendous speeds, we have used our development to cure disease.

But apparently, we have not yet fully mastered the art of simple good manners.

Who knows, maybe in another two million years.