Are hotel toiletries made by midgets?

Okay, try imagine it if you will. You're standing in the hotel bathroom, looking into that huge mirror, and staring back at your magnificent physique - as I do from time to time - and some things appear bigger. No, not that (mine IS naturally bigger), I was talking about the shower curtain.

But anyway, you happen to glance to the right and you see two itty bitty snow-white hand towels (or bath sheets to a midget) neatly folded on the metal bar.

You peer over to the left and you see an itty bitty bottle of 2-in-1 shampoo & conditioner, and an itty bitty bottle of lotion. Alongside them are two itty bitty cakes of soap. Were the toiletries in my hotel bathroom made by midgets?

I tell you, the midgets are taking over. But let me tell you a thing or two about these itty bitty midget creations.

First off, don't ever believe something that has "shampoo/conditioner/shower gel" on the label. All these three things are supposed to do different things. How on earth can they all work together? As for the itty bitty soaps, well, smear some of that stuff onto one of the itty bitty super thin face cloths they have nicely folded over the side of the bath and then wash your face. Easy does it. Don't forget behind your ears. Back of your neck. Good. Now splash off the excess soap with water.

Done? Good. Look into that huge bathroom mirror. See that taut face looking back at you? That's yours mate! Welcome to the world of soap so strong it is able to pull your face so tight you're able to lick the back of your neck.

Too tight for you? Try using some of that itty bitty lotion. Easy does it. Feel that burning sensation? Some would say that means it's working. Personally, I'd say don't put that cheap shit on your face mate. It's burns doesn't it? Silly boy!

Do you really think that midgets have the budget to put quality moisturiser in those itty bitty plastic containers? Don't be daft. Next time you travel, pack your own. You won't wake up the morning after with that burned/shocked Michael Jackson look on your face.