"You've got mail"

A few weeks back, I ordered some crap called "wall art" online. It looked nice on their website. And I like nice. So I wanted some. They are these long dangly things with odd-sized wooden hoops. Looks very nice and I was thrilled to hang them up.

That is until I checked my mailbox a few days days later and there was a west elm brochure.

"But I didn't order this," I said to myself - quickly glancing around to make sure no one saw me talking to myself. "What a nice surprise though." And I quickly thumbed through the pages of expensive stuff I can't really afford but wish I could have.

A few days later, there were two more catalogs in my mailbox. Now I know for a fact that I didn't order anything from these people. The one is Pottery Barn. The other is some pretentious Italian place called Chiasso where for just $4000, you can get a snow white sofa. Why on God's green earth would anyone want a snow white sofa? Unless of course they lived in a museum. And at that price? Good Lord, that's rent for almost half a month.

Anyway, I digress. I have become a hot commodity, a saleable item. I'm guessing my name and address where sold to "the" catalog people - the ones who decided whose mailbox gets bombarded with loads of catalogs for places ranging from Crate & Barrel to that one-man shop run out of Hope, Arkansas.

I just want to take this opportunity to say STOP!!

Stop sending me all this crap. If I want something from you, I'll hunt you down and buy it. I don't need prospective things shoved down my throat. Silly idiots, don't you realise you can choke a person like that. It's more than enough that I have to deal with all the Sale crap from Wal Mart that fills up my mailbox, but to have to contend with those endless catalogs as well?! No more. My regular mail is complaining that its not getting enough attention. You know, mail like bills from Nevada Power.

So, enough already with the catalogs. I don't want more of your stuff.