And here I thought I was having a bad week!

Life sucks, I know that. But when you genuinely believe that the world revolves around you and that your soul is the epicenter of the universe, it's difficult to comprehend that other people also have it bad from time to time.

Take for example the always-glamorous Amy Winehouse. My week may have sucked. But it looks like her YEAR is in a dizzying downward spiral. Even with a $15 million fortune behind her, this poor thing has skipped from super star success, to gutter-scraping trash. Shame.

When feeling all forlorn, stop and remember that your life does not suck as much as some other peoples' lives do.

Thank God for that!

No, I will NOT be your facebook friend!

First, let me profusely thank the many hundreds of complete strangers who constantly send me friend requests on Facebook. I'm flattered and honored, and just a little worried about stalkerish tendencies. I wish I knew just who the hell all of you were.

Know this: I am reluctant to accept your friend request because then my Facebook news feed, and many other completely useless Facebook pages, would be even more clogged with meaningless trivia by and about people I don't know. I've already mostly given up using Facebook because the news about the folks I do know is usually buried in mountains of details about the folks I don't know. I don't care that Sarah James is eating meatballs with jello. Or that Calvin Irvin has downloaded the Nose Picker application.

I'm happy that all the latter folks are busy being friends with each other and using Facebook apps and buying stuff and saying stuff, but I'm afraid all that news has made it so I no longer have any idea what my actual friends are doing, or saying.

I most certainly don't want to be 'that guy' by refusing your friend request, though! There's nothing like the feeling of telling someone that you'd really like to be their friend only to be snuffed in return, and there's already enough to be depressed about in the world.

I've occasionally thought about trying to solve this problem by "unfriending" everyone who isn't actually my friend, but that's too horrible to contemplate. I don't know how I'd get through the day if Facebook kept sending me emails about how people I didn't even know were "unfriending" me.

I was then reminded about that Burger King/Defriended facebook fiasco that unravelled a few weeks back.

So what often happens, I'm afraid, is that your friend request gets left in purgatory, unanswered, in the hope that someday I might actually meet you and become your friend. And that sucks! And, truth be told, I'm actually using Facebook less than I would if I didn't have to be filled with guilt about ignoring people who are kind enough to want to be my friend every time I log in.

So here's what I'm going to do: I'm going to deny ALL future friend requests! As of this day forward, anyone who wants to be my Facebook friend can stand on the outside of the fishbowl that is my life, and look in. No more accepting friend requests from weird people I don't even know. In countries I have never even heard of, and trust me, I'm pretty well traveled.

Now I'm sorry if this makes me sound like a complete douchenozzle, but seriously people, enough!

Once upon a time

Once upon a time, in a land not so far from this one, there lived a young boy. He was a creative young boy. Oft folks would call him "special" or "different". And so it was, as the years passed, that the creative boy followed a career in advertising while his college friends went on to law school, and med school, or became investment bankers.

Then the recession set in and the creative boy, who had now grown into a man and needed to pay rent and gas and water bills thought to himself, "Shit!"

The creative boy started wondering if he should go back to college. And maybe get a teaching qualification. Not because he couldn't cut it being creative. But because teaching pays the rent.

The End? Or just the beginning of a new chapter?

It's going to be a rough week

Ever wake up one Thursday morning and think to yourself, "I have a feeling next week is going to suck."? And then it did?

That's what happened to me.

And so far the week has been fake smiles and butt kisses. Because sometimes you're the pigeon. And other times, you're the statue. This week, I'm the statue.

A Prozac or eight might help things along smoothly.

Oh yum, it's Yukka!

D&C have kindly invited me to their home tonight where they shall be cooking for me, and feeding me, and all wonderful things like that.

On the menu? Something Cuban with something that looks like a pig's unshaved leg - Yukka root. I have never tried this thing called Yukka root before. They assure me it's tasty. I just hope it's tastier than the fried green banana they fed me last time. It tasted like mashed potato and my mind was playing tricks on me.

Mind: : It's a green banana.

Me: No, it's plantain

Mind: No, it's a green banana!

Me: Impossible. It tastes like mashed potato.

Mind: That's what green banana tastes like.

Yukka root. If any of you have eaten this odd-looking vegetable (???) before, please let me know your thoughts.

There's a new sheriff in town

And this one ain't no gun-slinging, dip-chewing, cow-wranglin' Texan hick.

In just a few hours, the free world will have a new leader - a young, black guy from Chicago. Poor guy has inherited a lot of problems from the Texan hick. Let's see how well he fares.

First order of business, the disgusting economy. Or is the first order of business bringing a final end to that wretched, useless war in Iraq? Me personally, my first order of business would be to pump money into public education so that kids who are graduating can actually read!

Good luck, B.O. And good riddance, G.B.

The ongoing search for the perfect apartment is ongoing

Apartment shower: Hi. You're late.

Me: I know. Sorry. Show me around your abode so that I may see if I too want to call it home.

Apartment shower: Here's the living room. It's big, yes? Here is the kitchen ...

Me: Eeewww

Apartment shower: But look at all this space. AND it leads out onto a roof-top deck - it's all yours, share it with no one.

Me: Oooooh

Apartment shower: Here's the bedroom. Lots of room. See? And this is a tiny room. You could use it as a study. Or something.

Me: You have an accent. Are you from that ex-prison colony known as Australia?

Apartment shower: Yes. And this is the bathroom. Look, even more room. You like?

Me: Meh. What's with the paint peeling off the ceiling there?

Apartment shower: It's not damp, don't worry. Feel how warm it is in here? There are beeeeeg radiators.

Me: Yes, but what about that huge thing on the ceiling?

Apartment shower: My husband is a Paleontologist.

Me: Interesting. Is the apartment connect for wireless and cable.

Apartment shower: Oooh yes, lots ot ethernet cables and things. Internet. Fast. Quick.

Me: Great. So what type of deposit would the landlord be looking for?

Apartment shower: It's a million dollar deposit. American. No cheques. And you have to sign over your firstborn child.

Me: But I have no children. And I don't have million dollars.

Apartment shower: Pfffff. Here's the landlord's details. Contact him. Do you keep felines?

Me: I do. Two. They're beautif...

Apartment shower: He will charge you $100 a month more then.

Me: Great! Do my pockets look like money wells? This place looks old.

Apartment shower: YOU look old!