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So the day I was fired, I hopped on a Greyhound bound for New York, you know, City of Lights, never-ending fun and excitement. Now I don't know about you, but I love New York. I love everything New York. And yes, even the New Yorkers.

So I arrived cold and tired and knowing I only had a few days in the greatest city on the face of the planet, I had an itinerary.

First I went to see the Statue of Liberty. I've been before, twice in fact, but it was a beautiful day, blue skies blah blah blah, so I waited in line for two hours. Yes, two hours in line to board the ferry. Finally it was my turn. Two hours in line for a 20 minute stroll around around a green statue.

Then I was Eliis Island-bound. I thought it apt as I am an immigrant to the U.S. so why not visit the place where most Americans can trace some history to? Did you know that at one stage, up to 5000 immigrants would pass through Ellis Island a day from Europe? poor souls had to endure medical tests and have to know just one English word: "yes". This was important because the immigration official would ask them when they arrived if they had enough money to support themselves until they found work. The answer was normally, "yes", and this was good enough for the guy behind the desk. How times have changed.

Next on my itinerary was MoMA. For you uncultured souls, MoMA is the Museum of Modern Art. Now I don't claim to be some fine art afficienado, but I recognise and appreciate good art. I didn't find it here. I walked in and immediately saw a series of five cars hanging from the ceiling. Apparently the artist was protesting the war in Iraq. Yes, I would have guessed that.

The I dragged my skinny carcass over to the Guggenheim - another museum. A much better museum with art that is, well, art. The Guggenheim is not as striking as MoMA but it sure is home to some great pieces. I spent hours in there and eventually I needed to sit down. "NOT THERE! THAT"S A WORK OF ART!" Excuse me for being a lowly peasant. I needed to rest my weary feet and I saw a chair. But behold for she is not a chair!

Then it was on to a New York institution - Caroline's Comedy Club for a bit of hahahaha. Grand evening had by all except for the idiot who decided to sit right in the front so that the comedian could pick on him.

Then sleep. Then off to Times Square. Ooh look at all the pretty lights. Then back to the Greyhound station to head back home, tired, jobless, to two hungry cats.