Thou shalst not ...

I came across some rather archaic American laws. Made for some amusing reading so thought I'd share them with you:

Alabama
It is illegal for a driver to be blindfolded while operating a vehicle. (I should bloody well hope so)

Dominoes may not be played on Sunday. (Oh damn, what else is there to do now?)

It is illegal to wear a fake mustache that causes laughter in church. (No dominoes, no laughing in church, Sundays will never be the same)

Alaska
While it is legal to shoot bears, waking a sleeping bear for the purpose of taking a photograph is prohibited. (I hope you can run really fast after waking a bear and taking its photo!)

It is considered an offense to push a live moose out of a moving airplane. (Um, why was there a live moose in a moving airplane in the first place??)

California
Sunshine is guaranteed to the masses. (Gotta love crazy California)

Animals are banned from mating publicly within 1,500 feet of a tavern, school, or place of worship. (And should they start, pray tell, how are we to stop them??)

It is a misdemeanor to shoot at any kind of game from a moving vehicle, unless the target is a whale. (Oh well that just makes the world of difference. Ready, aim, oh shit, how are we going to get that home?)

Women may not drive in a housecoat. (What if the heat is broken and it’s really, really cold?)

Florida
Women may be fined for falling asleep under a hair dryer, as can the salon owner. (Because God forbid you should enjoy a relaxing visit to the hair person. WRM in Cape Town would repeal this law in an instant!)

A special law prohibits unmarried women from parachuting on Sunday or she shall risk arrest, fine, and/or jailing. (What about pushing your wife out of a moving plane on a Sunday? Is that allowed?)

If an elephant is left tied to a parking meter, the parking fee has to be paid just as it would for a vehicle. (Elephants in Florida? Seriously?)

It is illegal to sing in a public place while attired in a swimsuit. (What about whistling? Can I whistle in my swimsuit?)

Men may not be seen publicly in any kind of strapless gown. (Okay, that’s just creepy)

Having sexual relations with a porcupine is illegal. (Illegal AND painful!)

When having sex, only the missionary position is legal. (Legal AND boring)

Georgia
All sex toys are banned. (Best they don’t go through my luggage then!)

It is illegal to use profanity in front of a dead body that lies in a funeral home or in a coroner’s office. (Why? It’s not like they can hear you!)

Donkeys may not be kept in bathtubs. (What if you’ve lost your rubber ducky and want something in the tub with you?)

Kansas
Prohibits shooting rabbits from a motorboat. (What would you be doing so close to the shore anyway?)

Louisiana
It is illegal to rob a bank and then shoot at the bank teller with a water pistol. (Well, that’s just rude)

Indiana
It is illegal for a liquor store to sell cold soft drinks. (Why would anyone go into a liquor store to buy anything other than liquor anyway?)

Liquor stores may not sell milk. (Milk? In a liquor store? Seriously? That's like going to Toys R Us to buy a real gun)

Michigan
You may not swear in front of women and children in the state of Michigan. (But normally they are the ones who make me swear!)

Nebraska
It is illegal for bar owners to sell beer unless they are simultaneously brewing a kettle of soup. (Best they keep that kettle boiling then)

New Mexico
Idiots may not vote. (How about a law prohibiting idiots from running for President?)

New York
A fine of $25 can be levied for flirting. This old law specifically prohibits men from turning around on any city street and looking "at a woman in that way." A second conviction for a crime of this magnitude calls for the violating male to be forced to wear a "pair of horse-blinders" wherever and whenever he goes outside for a stroll. (Don’t look so good and I won’t look again. Problem solved!)

It is against the law to throw a ball at someone's head for fun. (What? But that’s why I do it)
A license must be purchased before hanging clothes on a clothesline. (Fine! I’ll just dry my clothes in my dryer then.)

The penalty for jumping off a building is death. (No shit!)

North Dakota
Beer and pretzels can't be served at the same time in any bar or restaurant. (Then what do you eat with your beer?)

It is illegal to lie down and fall asleep with your shoes on. (What if you pass out from drinking too much beer and not being able to eat anything, like pretzels?)

Ohio
It is illegal to fish for whales on Sunday. (This would be a bit difficult considering there are NO whales in Ohio)

It is illegal to get a fish drunk. (Fish? Drunk? Now that would be funny)

Pennsylvania
A person is not eligible to become Governor if he/she has participated in a duel. (A duel? Like “I challenge ye to a duel” kind of duel?)

It is illegal to have over 16 women live in a house together because that constitutes a brothel. (Isn’t that what sorority houses are?)

It is illegal to sleep on top of a refrigerator outdoors. (Um, and someone would want to sleep on top of their refrigerator because ….?)

Any motorist driving along a country road at night must stop every mile and send up a rocket signal, wait 10 minutes for the road to be cleared of livestock, and continue. (Oh yes, I can see myself being very law-abiding on this one.)

Any motorist who sights a team of horses coming toward him must pull well off the road, cover his car with a blanket or canvas that blends with the countryside, and let the horses pass. (Yeah, this one too. Camo up my car so as not to blind the horses with the shine off the car’s paint.)

Ministers are forbidden from performing marriages when either the bride or groom is drunk. (This should be a law in Nevada)

You may not catch a fish with your hands. (How about with your mouth then?)

You may not catch a fish by any body part except the mouth. (Ah, that’s better)

Dynamite is not to be used to catch fish. (Aw boo, that’s half the fun!)

Texas
It is illegal to take more than three sips of beer at a time while standing. (While standing? Fine, I’ll lie down)

It is illegal to drive without windshield wipers. You don't need a windshield, but you must have the wipers. (You don’t need a windshield? Then what would the wipers be wiping?)

It is illegal for one to shoot a buffalo from the second story of a hotel. (Fine, then I’ll move up to the third floor where I’d probably have a better aim anyway)

It is illegal to milk another person's cow. (Is this a metaphor for my neighbor’s wife?)

A recently passed anticrime law requires criminals to give their victims 24 hours notice, either orally or in writing, and to explain the nature of the crime to be committed. (Oh what a good idea. And would-be criminals will abide by this because they are so law-abiding?)

The entire Encyclopedia Britannica is banned in Texas because it contains a formula for making beer at home. (And that explains why Texans remain as dumb as pig shit.)

Vermont
It is illegal to deny the existence of God. (Guess you’re screwed if you’re a vocal atheist then)

Virginia
Not only is it illegal to have sex with the lights on, one may not have sex in any position other than missionary. (This again?)

If one is not married, it is illegal for him to have sexual relations. (Ah, the whole “sex before marriage” thing, I get it)

You may not have oral or anal sex. (Okay, so only missionary, no lights, no oral, no anal. Maybe I’ll just go celibate!)

Driving while not wearing shoes is prohibited. (How about flip flops?)

It is illegal to tickle women. (Oh God forbid)

West Virginia
Whistling underwater is prohibited. (Would that be akin to farting with your mouth?)

Wisconsin
You must manually flush all urinals in a building. (I should certainly hope so. Can you just imagine the rancid odor if they didn’t flush?)

Butter substitutes are not allowed to be served in state prisons. (So prisoners get to eat real butter while I have to use margarine? Something is not right here)