When one goes shopping for things to fill one's abode, what exactly should one be looking for? I'm sure as hell convinced that it's not this monstrosity. While browsing online at various stores' websites, I stumbled - quite literally because I would not have simply sauntered in - upon a place selling lamps.
"Mmmm, I could do with a nice floor lamp," I thought to myself. "Not a big one, mind you. A nice sized one. Wooden. Preferably chocolate in coloring." And so the search began. Tulip-shaped lamps. Thick-based steel lamps. Cloth lamps. And then ... this lamp. This, this THING that looks like it was dragged kicking and screaming from some Georgian swamp. Who on earth would consciously want to place this hideaous thing in their home, much less their lounge?
Honestly, there's simply no accounting for poor taste.
Thankfully, I managed to find what I was looking for. Beautifully finished chocolate wood with a beige cloth shade. Perfect height. Imperfect price. $300 for a lamp? Are they mad? Do they not realize that for $300 I could get a pair of Swedish twins to swing on a tampeze? Naked. Above my bed!
Perhaps I should just move into someone's garage and sleep on a futon. Or overcome my fear and loathing of all things ugly and move in with my grandmother. Not that she's ugly. But like so many elderly people, she likes to surround herself with all things old. Do they do this to remind themselves to 'Cape Diem'? I mean, after all, death is knocking on the door with his rather narly knuckle.
Would someone please let him in?! But turn the lamp off, he's not very attractive!
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