IT'S A BOY!

In about five months, it will be time for my brother-in-law to start handing out cigars. I don’t care how ‘socially irresponsible’ that may be, it’s a tradition. And like all traditions, it should be respected, and repeated.

My sister is having a baby boy in August. Yes avid readers, this shall be her second offspring, her contribution to the world.

And once again, that question sneakily creeps in from my father: So son, when are you going to get married and give me grandchildren?

Well father, can I adopt them from some third world Asian country, as appears to be all the rage? Or perhaps a poor African child?

A puzzled look crawls all over his face. My father does not realize that I do not intend to work my skinny ass off so that I may be able to buy a small house somewhere and have some woman claim it as hers in an unfair divorce agreement.

Call me cynical (okay don’t, Cynical is not my real name), but I don’t believe in marriage – not when 50% of them end in divorce. And then the poor guy is forced to start all over again while his ex wife lives in the house that HE paid for, living with HIS dogs that HE raised. And all for what? No thanks. Give me the kids, sure. I’d like a kid. Maybe two. But not the hassle of a nagging wife.

But this posting has taken a rather sour turn. It started off happy and with much rejoicing for my sister was announcing to the world that she is with child. A boy child at that.

“If you look at the scan, you can see his willy,” she proclaimed.

“Where? I don’t see it. But holy crap he has a big head.” I replied.

“No man, down there. See it?”

“Um, no.”

Now I feel like a pervert. I need to go look at pictures of kittens and puppies on cake tin lids to purify my eyes.