The ongoing search for the perfect apartment is ongoing

Apartment shower: Hi. You're late.

Me: I know. Sorry. Show me around your abode so that I may see if I too want to call it home.

Apartment shower: Here's the living room. It's big, yes? Here is the kitchen ...

Me: Eeewww

Apartment shower: But look at all this space. AND it leads out onto a roof-top deck - it's all yours, share it with no one.

Me: Oooooh

Apartment shower: Here's the bedroom. Lots of room. See? And this is a tiny room. You could use it as a study. Or something.

Me: You have an accent. Are you from that ex-prison colony known as Australia?

Apartment shower: Yes. And this is the bathroom. Look, even more room. You like?

Me: Meh. What's with the paint peeling off the ceiling there?

Apartment shower: It's not damp, don't worry. Feel how warm it is in here? There are beeeeeg radiators.

Me: Yes, but what about that huge thing on the ceiling?

Apartment shower: My husband is a Paleontologist.

Me: Interesting. Is the apartment connect for wireless and cable.

Apartment shower: Oooh yes, lots ot ethernet cables and things. Internet. Fast. Quick.

Me: Great. So what type of deposit would the landlord be looking for?

Apartment shower: It's a million dollar deposit. American. No cheques. And you have to sign over your firstborn child.

Me: But I have no children. And I don't have million dollars.

Apartment shower: Pfffff. Here's the landlord's details. Contact him. Do you keep felines?

Me: I do. Two. They're beautif...

Apartment shower: He will charge you $100 a month more then.

Me: Great! Do my pockets look like money wells? This place looks old.

Apartment shower: YOU look old!