To the couple above me, enough already

I appreciate your burning desire to keep the world populated, but to practice your re-population techniques at 3 in the morning? For an hour? Are you going for a record? Because if you are, I don't want to hear it!

For the love of all things sacred, my bedroom is right below yours. Yes, that means I can hear her moan. I can can hear the bed squeek. Please people, enough already, I'm trying to sleep!

But if you really are going to break the sanctuary of my slumber with your raucaus love-making, at least help each other out. Dude, women do not like SLAM SLAM SLAM SLAM. 2 minute break. SLAM SLAM SLAM SLAM. Get into a rythm, for God's sake. And if you think your todger might fall off if you don't keep up that slamming for hours on end, you're wrong. Trust me on this one.

And to which ever one of you feels the rather rude urge to make tracks for the bathroom AS SOON AS YOU'RE DONE, your toilet flushes really loudly. Please get 'those' pipes cleaned.

Thank you,

The guy who lives below you.