Afghanistan, perhaps?

I've decided I need a vacation (a "holiday" for those of you down in Africa's economic powerhouse).

Never having been one to follow the beaten path, I am exploring my options. Perhaps something with a STAN at the end. That could be quite exotic. It could also be quite dangerous, but then again, I need a little danger in my life. For that reason, the Gaza Strip may even be an option.


So, at the top of my 'possibles' list is Afghanistan - a country recovering from oppression, a non-existent economy fueled only by the sale of opiates, tyranny, and a lack of fashion sense. Note to self: If Afghanistan becomes the country of choice for my vacation, be sure to wear the same t-shirt every day - on this t-shirt will be written, "I am South African, NOT American! Do not shoot me and do not take me hostage. I am worthless to you." Of course this will be written in Afghani. A national past time here in this gem of idyllic paradise is a game of Hide & Seek in the mountains.



Next on my list would Uzbekistan if for the sole reason that it just sounds cool to say. Go on, try it. Say it out loud. OOZE-BEK-EEEE-STAN. Sounds cool, doesn't it? I don't know if they have much to see there, like say lions or orangoutangs like they have in Africa, or chocolate and clocks like they have in Switzerland. Either way, it just sounds cool. I can see myself showing friends back here photos of my trip: "This is me with my new Uzbek friends, Firdavs and Boltavoy."


Of course, no consideration would be complete unless Tajikstan was included. What a glorious country, somewhere on some continent. Tajikstan. The name rumbles up images of big ugly Russian winter hats. But I imagine they wear those even in the summer - much like those Dutch milkmaids wear their little uniforms throughout the year to promote the oft-mistaken perception that the Dutch in fact do not wear clogs.


Bosnia and Herzegovina could be a possibility, if you don't mind walking around mortar shell craters in the streets and dodging bits of falling building.


I'm leaning toward Iran. I've always had a passion for all things Persian. Interesting language, amazing history, awesome culture, and great food. If I steal a cat from the streets there, would it be fair to say it was Persian even if it was not fluffy and looked more like burqa-clad New York City sewer rat? I want one. Again, if I went here, I would wear my I AM NOT AN AMERICAN t-shirt. Although that said, I doubt I'd have to - Americans are not allowed to travel to Iran. And best I go before the U.S. turns this beaut of a country into a strip mall. And of course no trip to Iran would be complete without going and seeing a public hanging which I've heard always draws a big crowd - I imagine much like the gladiators in ancient Rome drew big crowds in the Colosseum. Good times!



Next on my list of possibilities, North Korea. Oh, wait.