No, I will NOT be your facebook friend!

First, let me profusely thank the many hundreds of complete strangers who constantly send me friend requests on Facebook. I'm flattered and honored, and just a little worried about stalkerish tendencies. I wish I knew just who the hell all of you were.

Know this: I am reluctant to accept your friend request because then my Facebook news feed, and many other completely useless Facebook pages, would be even more clogged with meaningless trivia by and about people I don't know. I've already mostly given up using Facebook because the news about the folks I do know is usually buried in mountains of details about the folks I don't know. I don't care that Sarah James is eating meatballs with jello. Or that Calvin Irvin has downloaded the Nose Picker application.

I'm happy that all the latter folks are busy being friends with each other and using Facebook apps and buying stuff and saying stuff, but I'm afraid all that news has made it so I no longer have any idea what my actual friends are doing, or saying.

I most certainly don't want to be 'that guy' by refusing your friend request, though! There's nothing like the feeling of telling someone that you'd really like to be their friend only to be snuffed in return, and there's already enough to be depressed about in the world.

I've occasionally thought about trying to solve this problem by "unfriending" everyone who isn't actually my friend, but that's too horrible to contemplate. I don't know how I'd get through the day if Facebook kept sending me emails about how people I didn't even know were "unfriending" me.

I was then reminded about that Burger King/Defriended facebook fiasco that unravelled a few weeks back.

So what often happens, I'm afraid, is that your friend request gets left in purgatory, unanswered, in the hope that someday I might actually meet you and become your friend. And that sucks! And, truth be told, I'm actually using Facebook less than I would if I didn't have to be filled with guilt about ignoring people who are kind enough to want to be my friend every time I log in.

So here's what I'm going to do: I'm going to deny ALL future friend requests! As of this day forward, anyone who wants to be my Facebook friend can stand on the outside of the fishbowl that is my life, and look in. No more accepting friend requests from weird people I don't even know. In countries I have never even heard of, and trust me, I'm pretty well traveled.

Now I'm sorry if this makes me sound like a complete douchenozzle, but seriously people, enough!